Facebook

I was on facebook one day just browsing through all the thoughts and random things that all my "friends" had posted when I noticed that I had a friend request form a girl named Jessica, whom I had never heard of or seen before but then I noticed that she was friends with my brother Jesse. So I decided that I would talk to him first and find out who she was before I let her be my "friend". A couple of days went by and I kind of forgot about it, until I received a phone call from Jesse asking if I had gotten a message from a girl Jessica on facebook. I asked him if he knew who she was and he said no and that he had accidentally pushed the accept friend. So I asked him what she wanted, he said that she knew our birth mother Tina and that she was a great person that had helped her out a lot and that our names had come up in conversation with Tina one day and so she was curious and looked our names up and there we were. She said that she wanted to contact us for Tina because she would never do it for herself. At first I was fine with everything, I was calm and collective. I called my sister and relayed all the information to her. She acted completely opposite, to say the least she was freaking out. I couldn't quite understand why her emotions were so different from mine. I thought it was funny at how crazy she was taking everything and then she was almost with out words and if you know my sister that comes rarely. After my sister and I were done talking I sent this girl Jessica a message asking if she was sure she had the right Tina, I gave her a few last names that she used to have and asked her to send a picture if she could. Jessica said that she was positive that it was the right Tina. She gave me her full name, phone number, and said that she had just created a facebook account. So I immediately looked her up and there she was a picture and everything. I then called my sister Amber and told her what had happened, so Amber promptly looked her up and as soon as she saw her picture she started she started to freak out again she said it was like seeing a ghost. I think my sister was a little more emotional then I was because she looked so much like her. I thought that it was kinda funny that she was taking it all so different and didn't understand why it was such a big deal.

Later that night I was finishing up a book that My friend Dee wrote about her life and all the hardships that she had to endure. I was reading about one of the times that she was in with a psychologist and he told her that it was amazing at how wonderful she had turned out and that most people that had gone through what she had usually ended up on the street as prostitute or into drugs or worse. As I read these words everything started hitting me, I was like that, I still can't believe that I tuned out half normal. My emotions then started taking over my body, I began shaking and crying. I was so confused I didn't know what was happening to me. I was fine before and now I was a complete and utter mess. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in contact with my mother. She was the one that abandoned my siblings and I and had let unthinkable things happen to us. I was feeling so clouded. Even though she was not the mother that she should of been I still felt a connection to her, a bond that only comes from being biologically related, and that scared me.